I've Changed my Tune

This has been a long road. After Jane was born (about 2 years ago) I struggled with the worst depression I've had since that first hellish year when I became bipolar. Of course I was praying hard and I didn't see it happening but God was walking me towards healing.

The first step was exercise. A year ago I started Crossfit and started exercising intensely and consistently. It helped. A few months later, I found an awesome new psychiatrist. She helped me balance out my Lithium and discovered I was super low on Folic acid. That helped a lot, but I still wasn't 100%. At the beginning of the year I started my 'The Fresh 20' meal planner and  I've been learning to cook really good, healthy food.

I realized a month or so ago that my lowest, most tired times always followed a sugar binge. This was really terrible for me because I ate tons of sugar and I loved it. You probably don't believe me, but I ate fun size candy bars ten at a time, an entire bag of jelly beans or chocolate chips in a couple days, or an entire cake by myself in less than a week. I have also been known to make a bowl of chocolate and eat it for a meal. I told myself that because I didn't have weight problems it didn't matter. I was even athletic! I took a weird sort of pride in eating junk and still having a healthy body. What I wasn't considering was how my diet was effecting my mind. After that upsetting day occurred when it became too obvious to ignore, I tried to eat less sugar. I found myself entirely incapable of cutting back on my own. Very soon after this revelation, I came across a book on Amazon and bought it. (I never read nonfiction, and I never buy books unless I've already read and loved it.) I'm sure that God was nudging me along. "The Sugar Addict's Total Recovery Program" has been hugely helpful to me. There are basically three parts. First eat good-- like I imagine diabetics eat: protein at every meal and lots of whole grains. Basically, keep your blood sugar level and as steady as possible. This cuts back on sugar cravings a lot. Second, this is the crazy part, increase your serotonin by eating a potato before bed. You probably wonder how this works. I'm not going to explain it. Just buy the book if you're curious. It's only $10 or so. The Final part is that you stop eating sugar and white grains. I feel like I'm lying when I say I don't eat sugar because I have three desserts a day! The sugar is in banana, apple, berry form. I make some really delicious desserts sweetened with fruit or sweet potatoes. Weird that whole fruits don't mess with the mind but white sugar does. I love the feeling that I am finally living according to the word of wisdom. I can't wait to see what it does to my Crossfit times and PR's.

I've changed my tune. I used to think that sugar was fine, unless you needed to lose weight. Now I think that sugar is not for me. You know what, I don't miss it. It isn't worth it. There is tons of amazing and delicious foods -- most of it I have to make myself, but I've learned to enjoy cooking. I get cravings, and the urge to compulsively grab some M&M's if they are sitting in front of me, but mostly I haven't even been close to slipping on my diet. I HATE feeling depressed. Between chocolate and life, I choose life.

You can stop feeling guilty because I don't think that sugar is a problem for everyone. If you can have one fun size Twix and feel totally satisfied, then sugar probably isn't messing with you. That is fine. However, if it is messing with you, don't tell me you can't give it up. I couldn't either--not before I followed the steps in the book. When I did, it was almost easy. It was a huge relief.

More on the potato for serotonin:  I am a huge believer in medical help for the depressed, but here is a natural way to increase your serotonin. Depression is usually treated with drugs that increase serotonin. I can't take serotonin increasing drugs. They make me freak out and get dangerously depressed, something that is not at all uncommon for bipolar folks. However, the potato seems to be fine because I've been doing it for over a month and my manic cycle is less than a week. My mood swing would have passed by now. Anyway, the nightly spud made an overnight transformation in me. I slept deeper and in the morning my brain was awake. Immediately! I used to take hours to feel like doing anything in the morning. I can concentrate better and my ability to 'just do' things amped up hugely. I feel like my old self again-- the one I was before I ever became bipolar, the one that could do 17 credit hours at BYU and keep a 3.9 GPA while I worked to pay for my school and housing. Not to mention train for triathlons. Then BAM! junior year disaster. After that, my bipolar self could handle 9 credits a semester and I kept about a 3.0 GPA. I didn't work during those semesters. I thought I had been permanently altered. Then, 8 years later, comes the magic potato and I feel ambitious again. I've reverted back. I never looked for that kind of healing when I was on my knees begging last year. This is a miracle.  If you are interested, get the book, try it. It won't hurt anything. It's just a potato!